aaron gets the courage to tell chas what Gordon did to him revised
by jewelle32
Summary: I am writing this story called 'Cutter' (why not check it out if you like this?) based on Emmerdale and Aaron is the central character but I realise that I could have written certain parts better. So, this is a rewrite and I hope that is an improvement. Please let me know what you think and leave a review if you can. Thanks x I'd be really grateful.
1. Chapter 1

**Aaron gets the courage to tell Chas what Gordon did to him**

 **I am writing this story called 'Cutter' (why not check it out if you like this?) based on Emmerdale and Aaron is the central character but I realise that I could have written certain parts better. So, this is a rewrite and I hope that is an improvement. Please let me know what you think and leave a review if you can. Thanks x I'd be really grateful.**

 **Aaron tells his ex- Rob what his father Gordon used to do to him when he was a child (Now he's in his twenties). He's recently been in hospital for blood-poisoning that nearly killed him caused by his cuts from his self-harm. Gordon has been out of his life for years but is recently back on the scene and getting back together with Aaron's mum Chas, bringing back all of Aaron's memories about the abuse. Memories he's tried to suppress all his life but can no longer and ends up telling Rob about the abuse who encourages him to tell his mum but Aaron doesn't feel ready. Will he ever be able to tell Chas or will Gordon continue to get away with it?**

… **..**

 **Chas sighed as she put her handbag on the table. She didn't see her son there in the corner of the room hugging his knees at first and she let out a scream and jumped.**

' **Why are you sitting on the floor down there, love?' She tried to keep her voice more calm than she was feeling because the anxious need to know was driving her crazy, like a scratching inside her skin that she couldn't itch.**

' **Sorry.' He looked miserable.**

 **And vulnerable. More vulnerable than he usually looked but that didn't mean he was weak. He was smaller than the other men in the Dingle clan but he was stockier.**

 **He was strong. Tough. So then how did he always look so fragile and on the verge of tears?**

 **If what Rob had implied, he was stronger than all of them to go through what he did, despite his problems such as self-harm.**

 **She prayed that it wasn't true. Or that she had got it wrong.**

 **How she prayed she had got it wrong.**

' **He told me he didn't hit him!' Rob had finally lost his patience at her incessant nagging. He'd grown pale.**

 **So, what did he do?'**

 **Rob was silent and shook his head. 'Can't tell you, he won't let me.'**

' **What the hell are you saying? I'm his mother! Of course, you can tell me.'**

' **Speak to him. I told him to tell you and I think he's ready.'**

… **..**

 **She sat down on the stairs and there was an awkward silence between them.**

' **What's wrong?' She decided to start.**

' **Nothing.' He shrugged.**

 **She sighed and unconsciously mirrored his body language by hugging her own knees. Trying to make herself look as small as possible too.**

' **I can't help you if you won't tell me. Why don't you want to see your Dad?'**

' **Not Dad – Gordon. Paddy's Dad.'**

 **She started a little at that. Then again, her ex had probably been the nearest her son had had to a normal relationship with a father figure.**

 **She tried another tack. 'Why are you hurting yourself again?'**

 **He looked up sharply at her for that.**

' **Just when he came back and we started seeing each other again. Cain reckons it's no coincidence.**

' **Cain knows?' He replied with pained surprise and not a little mortification.**

' **I know you think he doesn't care but he's worried sick about you. As much as I am. And he notices more than you think.'**

' **No, he doesn't. I'm not worth it. He can't care about someone like me.'**

' **Stop that.' But she was thinking –** _ **is that what your father told you?**_ **How all the pieces were falling slowly, agonizingly into place. 'He loves you – just useless at showing it. Now tell me the truth.'**

' **Can't.' He breathed out painfully, shaking his head as the first tears spilled over and fell down his cheeks.**

 **She couldn't stand not touching him no longer and she got up from the bottom of the staircase and went over to him.**

 **She kneeled in front of him so that she was on his level and stroked the tears away.**

' **Did your Da…sorry, I meant Gordon hurt you?' She held his hand tightly.**

 **He nodded reluctantly.**

' **What did he do?'**

 **He shook his head. 'Can't tell anyone especially you because you'd hate me for ruining your life, he said. Anyway, nobody would believe such a naughty boy like me always getting into trouble.'**

 **Chas' heart felt like it was falling from the roof of her mouth even as she wasn't sure if he was talking about back then or the present. Maybe both.**

' **Is that what he said to you? My poor baby.' She stroked his hair. 'I could never hate you, you know that. You're my boy. I love you more than anything – more than any man, even your father.'**

 **He sobbed and buried his face in his arms at that.**

' **Sh…Just tell me.' She rubbed his back encouragingly. 'It's OK. There's nothing you can ever say that would stop me loving you.'**

 **He shook his head. 'I was just gonna slip away without telling anyone and let you and Gordon live happily ever after.' He choked out when he got his breath back. He wiped his eyes furiously.**

' **What about me? And Rob? Your business?'**

' **Rob just wants to use me like he always has. He never loved me…Never cared about me…'**

' **Don't say that. I can't stand him – that one thinks he's God's gift to both sexes and he's even worse now he's got money. But I'll give this to him – he's stood by you.'**

' **Yeah, maybe but for how much longer though?'**

' **Yet you told him how Gordon used to hurt you when you were little, didn't you?'**

 **He nodded. 'Wished I hadn't …' He cried. 'Wait a minute – did he tell you?' He grew angry now and stamped the carpet with his fist as the realisation dawned on him. 'I told him not to! I trusted him!'**

' **He didn't tell me – wouldn't. For all he is – and I hate him for the things he's done to you, to Katie and everyone else - he refused to betray you. I just guessed. Actually, he told me to ask you.'**

 **He looked panicked again. And hugged his knees again while she cautiously soothed his hair. She could sense the tears were close – they always were in her son even though he was as tough as nails.**

' **Come on. You told Rob, you can tell me.' She coaxed as she brushed the hair off his face.**

' **But you're my mum…' He protested.**

' **I'll believe you.' She whispered and petted his hair. 'I love you. I believe you.'**

' **No, please Mum. Don't make me tell.' He sounded just like a little kid, she thought sadly. Probably how he used to beg Gordon to stop. The thought made her blood run cold.**

 **She grabbed him and held him by the chin and forced him to look into her eyes. 'Now, you tell me!' Her tone grew almost savage. 'All of it!'**

 **He pulled away but she knew he couldn't disobey.**

' **Well, to begin with we had fish and chips almost every night you left. He was the best dad ever! Totally spoilt me – not like you…Sorry.' He noticed her reaction even as she tried to hide the little twinge of jealousy. 'Even though I was a nightmare and kept crying for you after you left.'**

 _ **He cried for her?**_ **'Oh, Aaron…I'm so sorry. I would never have left you with him if I'd known.' She squeezed his hand.**

' **Weren't your fault – I told them I wanted to live with him! And I was a real nightmare …answering him back…'**

' **You were just a child and you were upset. Any normal parent would have understood that.'**

' **Whatever.' He shrugged. 'Anyway, things were fine until he lost his job. I remember that day….Heard his car out in the drive and must have rushed out to meet him. 'Cos I remember how he slammed the car door really hard - something he always told me off for doing and how he pushed past me like I wasn't even there. Then he stomped into the house.'**

' **When we got in, he'd forgotten the fish and chips again so he made me something else. I didn't like it, so wouldn't eat it. He called me an ungrateful something and ordered me up to bed.'**

' **You probably were too upset to eat in an atmosphere like that.'**

' **I must have fallen asleep because I remember waking up. There was this loud noise like glass smashing…I just curled up under the blankets and tried to pretend it wasn't happening.'**

' **You were scared.'**

 **He nodded and let out a long shuddery breath. 'Then the door creaked open…... he always came in to say goodnight and tuck me in at night. I expected him to say he was sorry for shouting at me. I thought it was going to be alright but it wasn't!'**

 **He paused while he held back his tears while Chas brushed his hair. 'Sh...sh...take your time, love.'**

 **'He ripped the blankets off me. He just stood there, staring at me without saying anything. The look on his face…'**

 **He'd mostly kept his composure up to now while telling his story but then he broke down. She stroked his hair as he sobbed.**

' **He came over to the bed…Then he…he just….'**

 **He started crying helplessly again. She did her best to console him until he could speak again.**

' **I was 8 that time when he first …abused me.' He continued in a quiet voice full of dignity. 'He touched me and made me do stuff to him occasionally from then on.'**

 **Although it was the answer she'd been expecting – Gordon didn't hit him- she felt shocked, felt like crying herself.**

' **I didn't want to, Mum! But he said I had to make up for being bad otherwise he'd….he'd punish me properly. And I knew what** _ **that**_ **meant!' He started to hyperventilate in panic and she soothed him the best she could with soft words and her hands.**

 **She hid her shock and disgust, knowing it wouldn't help him. She had to stay calm. 'I know you didn't.' She crooned at him. 'Not your fault, sh….he made you. You were only a little boy.'**

 **He took a long breath like he was struggling to breathe.**

' **The next day, he acted like nothing happened so I told myself I must have imagined it. Except he said that he was sorry for what he had to do last night but I'd been naughty.'**

' **I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' He looked up at her pleadingly, begging for forgiveness.** _ **When shouldn't it be the other way round**_ **, she thought?** _ **Perhaps because in some sick way, he thought he was cheating on me with that piece of shit whose one job was to love and protect him?**_

' **You've got nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that's sorry.' She told him as she pulled him into her arms and he let her gratefully. 'Sh…sh….love.' She stroked his hair. 'I'm going to do everything within my power to make all of this better.'**

 **He said nothing, lost in his own pain as she rocked them while he sobbed and she comforted him in exactly the same way she had when he was small and had scraped his knee or come home angry and upset after a fight at school.**

 **Her son wept in her arms for what felt like forever until there was knock on the door and Rob waltzed in because nobody locked doors in the village.** _ **What would be the point?**_ **He stared at them – particularly Aaron for a long time before he addressed her. He didn't even seem to notice but at least he'd stopped crying and had dried his eyes but he pulled himself out of his mother's arms and they both stood up.**

' **So, he told you then. To be honest, wasn't sure he ever would.' The older man said eventually.**

' **Yes. And as much as I despise you and WILL never forgive you for how you treated him, I'm grateful that you got the truth out of him.' His ex's fiercely protective mother lashed out at him. 'You can go now.'**

' **You can't talk to me like that.'**

' **Stop it, both of you!' Aaron said fiercely. 'It happened to me, ME – OK! Mum, he helped me a lot when I was sick and he listened. Can't you just get on with each other?'**

' **Fine.' Chas crossed her arms over her ample bust. 'But don't think I'll have him sniffing around you!'**

' **I think that's up to me, don't you, mother?' He retorted.**

' **You can't be serious.' She replied and turned to the young, blond man. 'He's very fragile at the moment and if you think you can take advantage…' She glared warningly at Rob.**

' **What? After he confided in me how his dad used to rape him when he was a child and he's still recovering from an illness that nearly killed him, you think I'm some sick fuck who'll jump his bones?'**

 **Aaron raised his eyebrow at his friend's colourful language in front of his mother but she didn't seem to notice. In fact, maybe it helped to convince her.**

' **I'm watching you, boy!' She eyeballed him in stern warning. 'Well, the least you can do is look after him while you're here. Make sure you put the toilet-seat back down after you've finished, alright?**

' **You mean he can stay?' Aaron gushed incredulously. Both boys looked at each other in surprise at Chas' sudden change of heart.**

' **For now. But only because of what he did. I'm off to bed now. Be good.'**

' **Thanks, mum!'**

 **And a little bit of the hard lump of lead in Aaron's chest that had been there since his Dear Old Dad washed up in Emmerdale softened a little when he realised that Rob would be there with him.**

 _ **And he'd told his mother! And she had believed him and not blamed him!**_

 **He would have to think about what the next step (if there was one) in dealing with his father would be but now at least, he wasn't alone.**


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron looked down at his phone in disbelief. He shook his head as he read the text message from his father.

 _Hi Son,_

 _It's been a long time, hasn't it? So, I'd like it very much if you can come and have dinner with me and your Mum down in the Woolpack tonight at 6pm if your free. My treat of course. Let's clear the air and catch-up._

 _Love Dad_

 _Oh great_ , he thought to himself angrily. _His mum had given Gordon his phone number, without asking him first, of course._ She was so desperate to get them talking. _But she doesn't know, it's not her fault_ , he admitted to himself.

The young Dingle felt himself start to shake with rage so he took slow, deep breaths to calm himself down like the counsellor told him too when he felt like he was losing it.

He glanced at his reflection in the kitchen window above the sink. _Did he even recognise himself anymore?_

Determined to get himself back under control, he swiped the tears away from his eyes. _Fuck_ , _his body always betrayed his feelings_. _He wasn't strong or as tough as he made out, not like his uncle. Cain thought he was weak – a fuck up who hurt himself deliberately - he saw it in his eyes._

His phone beeped as another text appeared in his inbox. Opening it up, he saw it was another message from Gordon.

'Well? Are you coming tonight or not? Your mum is looking forward to it.'

The bastard was being his usual pushy and manipulative self. _After all, why would he change after 7 years?_

'Fuck you! No! I said No!' He threw the phone down on the ground and grabbed a glass and filled it up with water from the sink. But he could barely swallow it down, he was choking. Spluttering water all over the place, he gave up and in frustration, he threw the glass onto the tiled floor, almost without thinking about it. Like his hand had a mind of his own.

 _You're bad -you were born bad. Can't change…_ The voices in his head were clamouring over each other, seemingly to try and outdo each other. _Sandra doesn't love you not like I do…Nobody else could put up with a boy like you…_

'No!' He screamed, wiping his eyes again. The he spotted the shards of glass on the floor and stared at them like he hadn't noticed them before, an idea forming in his mind even as he tried to resist.

 _You've been naughty….Even your own mother didn't want you. Gave you up…_

When he'd arrived in Emmerdale, he'd punished Chas. But the truth was, it had been his own decision to go and live with his father.

'No!' He yelled again.

A ray of sunlight caught one of the pieces of glass on the floor, making it gleam. And in his mind, it seemed like it was a sign.

He'd resisted it for so long, he'd been getting better with his mum and the counselling and even Rob until his dear old dad showed up again and started hassling him.

Like he was on autopilot, he bent down and picked up the biggest shard. The long-jagged edge seemed to draw him somehow and he sat down on the floor near the cupboards under the sink. Without thinking about it, he made a deep cut just below the elbow and watched in fascination as the dark red blood started to bead up then trickle. The sharp pain seemed to cut through the fog in his mind and he felt the old, familiar relief.

 _No-one could love a boy like you…even I barely can…_

He grit his teeth in determination at that. _It wasn't enough, it didn't hurt enough._ He tightened his grip on the shard. _How to make it all stop? Stop for good…_

His hand hovered over his right wrist. _Just a little cut…_

'Oh, no you don't!' His uncle had just come in through the front door and had seen him through the open doorway in to the kitchen. Then rushed into the kitchen to drop immediately to the floor where his nephew was.

'NO!' He shouted again and grabbed his wrist and squeezed it painfully, forcing Aaron to drop the glass.

'Get off me!' The younger man immediately tried to grab another but Cain kicked all the pieces away from him and held him fast to the floor with his weight.

Aaron started to panic, his breathing growing rapid. 'No…' He breathed.

'What have you done to yourself?'

'You can't tell me what to do!' Aaron yelled and struggled but somehow his Uncle seemed too strong.

'Sh…'

'Let me go!'

But Cain only held him down harder. 'Sh…'

'No!' Eventually he had to give up. His uncle had overpowered him just like his father always did.

 _No, not like Gordon. But it was older man still_. Aaron slumped his shoulders submissively instinctively and stopped fighting. He knew that was the best way out.

Cain saw he had calmed down and let him go, allowing him to sit up. But then he grabbed his chin with one hand and forced his head up. 'Look at me.' He said.

Aaron shook his head. Wouldn't meet his eyes but

'I said 'Look at me!''. Cain ordered with more force in his voice. Aaron couldn't resist the authority in the older man's voice then.

'You trying to kill yourself?'

'I…I don't know…'

'I saw you. Looks like you're already halfway there. Trying to slit your wrists!'

'No…'

'What do you think that would do to your mum? Me?'

' _You?_ ' Aaron looked up at him in confusion, blinking away the emerging tears. 'I…No…'

'How could you be so selfish?' The local hard man was relentless, hard-balling him with his eyes and shook him by the shoulder not so gently.

Aaron burst into tears then. 'I'm sorry, please don't tell Mum. I wasn't going to…' He sobbed. '…Not really.'

Cain's stern expression softened a little. 'I love you, you idiot. Wouldn't like it if you disappeared for good.' He brushed away the straying hair away from his nephew's face. Aaron's eyes widened despite his tears. _His mum touched him like that! Not men -well nor not straight men anyway and certainly not old-school hard men like his uncle._

'Come here, soft lad.' Cain pulled him to him.

'Sh…Nothing can be that bad.' His uncle soothed, rocking them a little on the floor, not seeming to care that he was getting Aaron's blood all over his expensive vintage black leather jacket. The bleeding had slowed but the wound would need cleaning and bandaging up.

'It can't be that bad.' The older Dingle repeated. 'Come on.'

Aaron leant his head against the older man's shoulder, feeling lulled and comforted more than he expected he would be and he gradually regained his composure. That was until his uncle started up again like a dog with a bone.

Cain sighed. 'What is it? You were doing so well… haven't hurt yourself for ages…'

Aaron didn't reply.

'Come on. You can tell your uncle Cain.' Cain stopped rocking them when realised he was talking to him like he was a child and comforting him just like he still was. But then Aaron was so fragile even at the same time he was tough as any of the all Dingles. Looking back at it, Cain realised that he always been – needed different handling than the others. And he was _hurting_. 'You can tell him.' He whispered to him softly.

But Aaron shook his head in silent refusal. _Never_.

 _He couldn't tell anyone about Gordon_. It would destroy his mum for a start.

'What's happened? Something must have triggered you off…'

'It weren't anything.' Aaron snapped. 'Just had a bad day – wasn't thinking.'

Cain narrowed his eyes as a lightbulb suddenly switched on inside his head. 'Hang about a minute…your dad just turned up the other day and folk are saying you weren't best pleased to see him. Has he got something to do with this?'

Aaron drew in a short breath then deliberately shrugged. 'Gor – My dad ain't got anything to do with this.' He lied making his voice sound as casual as he could. 'I was shocked to see him again, that's all..'

'A big over-reaction, then if that's all it was.' Cain raised one eyebrow sceptically, looking like he didn't quite believe him.

'Or is that toe-rag, Rob?'

Aaron was about to open his mouth in protest and deny it when speak of the devil and the devil himself appeared.

'Aaron? You in here mate? Got a favour to ask…' He called out before he spotted them on the kitchen floor.

His eyes widened not least because of Aaron's bleeding hand and the blood all over the floor and the shattered glass but also because of Cain holding him. As if caught in the act, the young man shook off his uncle as if in embarrassment.

'Oh my God, Aaron! What happened?'

Cain raised his head to glare at him. 'Well, you tell me. Waltzing in here like you own the place.'

'He's my friend and I care about him!'

'Well, you've had a have a funny way of showing it!' Cain sneered back at him and looked down at Aaron. 'He been upsetting you again? Because I'll thrash 7 bells out of him if he has.' He glared murder at the other young man.

'Stop it, both of you! I'm old enough to fight my own battles. Anyway, we _are_ just friends.'

Aaron didn't catch the micro-expression that fleeted across Rob's features and the way his lower lip trembled slowly but Cain did and smirked.

'Well, do something useful for once in your life. Watch him while I get the first-aid kit.' Cain barked at Rob who looked like he was about to answer back but stopped himself.

'I don't need watching!' Aaron protested. 'Ain't an invalid, you know!'

'Like hell, you don't.' His uncle muttered under his breath.

Aaron rolled his eyes. 'Looks worse than it is. Don't even hurt.'

Rob placed a careful hand on his shoulder. 'But it's your wrist! Were you trying to….'

'Nah.' Aaron shrugged then smiled up at him. 'Cain just freaked out…you know what he's like.'

'Well, what am I like?' His uncle had reappeared with lightning speed. 'Out the way!' He gruffed at Rob who watched while he cleaned the wound. Aaron winced.

'Oh, don't be such a big baby.' Cain half-scolded, half- mocked. 'There.' He said when he'd bandaged Aaron's injured wrist tightly.

'Don't know what everyone's going to think when they see that.'

'I'll wear me long-sleeved jacket.'

'I should tell Chas, you know. Ain't right to keep things from her.'

'Don't. She's all happy and excited with me…Dad and her.' Aaron managed to get that word out but with great difficulty.

'And you don't tell anyone either.' Aaron told Rob. 'She could have another breakdown…I'll make a counselling appointment tomorrow, OK?' He looked at both of them. 'OK?'

'I'll be off, then. Got a meeting in the Woolpack in 20 minutes.' Cain announced. 'Will you be alright?' He looked at his nephew.

Aaron scoffed. 'I'll be fine. Go.'

But his uncle hung back, frowning in concern.

'Leave you with him?' He looked at Rob with distrust.

'I'm not made of glass, you know! Don't need looking after!'

Cain pursed his lips, looked about to say something but decided not to. 'Bye, then.'

'Bye.'

…..

Rob looked at him with worry after Cain left.

'Why? Why now?'

Aaron shrugged. 'I don't even remember doing it, to be honest.'

'Just don't do it again, alright?'

'What did you want?' The Dingle wanted to change the subject.

'Doesn't matter now.' Rob put an arm around him and smiled when Aaron leaned in towards him. 'I'm here for you.'

Aaron smiled and closed his eyes and they fell into a companionable silence. The truth was that his wrist was throbbing but he welcomed the pain. He hadn't asked for a painkiller.

He'd found his calm oasis.


End file.
